Hells Angels on Wheels
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IMDB rating: 4.80 Plot: At first gas station attendant Poet is happy when the rockers gang “Hell’s Angels” finally accepts him. But he’s shocked when he learns how brutal they are – not even murder is a taboo to them. He gets himself in trouble when the leader’s girlfriend falls in love with him – and he welcomes her approaches. |
Actors: Roarke Adam,Nicholson Jack,Anders Richard,Garwood John,Oliver James,Starrett Jack,VeSota Bruno,Kelljan Bob,Cardos John ‘Bud’,Hall Tex,Littlejohn Gary,Action,Drama,Thriller,
Are Biker gangs or mafias on wheels like Hells Angels or Mongols, leaded by Mexicans / Latinos?
"Papa" Guardado, the 46-year-old president of the San Francisco chapter shot down after a barroom brawl, brought about 2,000 Hells Angels to Duggan’s Serra Mortuary in Daly City, most driving the biggest, baddest, loudest Harleys ever.
They came from chapters all over the country, not to mention Stuttgart, Germany, Alberta, Canada and Melbourne, Australia.
the mongols are mostly mexican.the hells angels are mixed.
JIM O | Sep 17, 2008
noob….. no!
Galactus | Sep 17, 2008
LOLLLLLLLLLLL
mafias on wheels…they can be lead by whoever the hell they want
Wylee_M | Sep 17, 2008
no they are not. hells angels are whites not sure about mongols but the gang ms 13 is by mexicans from mexico
Tsunami | Sep 17, 2008
OMFG!!! you fail!!!!! lol
i have no idea loli fail!!!!!!! no!!!!!! lol
*munch*munch*munch* sugarless cookies >.>
Jose S | Sep 17, 2008
No they are not. They are not discriminated against though. Check out this international club that was started down around the border. I have a friend that is in this club. He is not Latino but there are a lot of original latino members in his chapter. http://www.bandidosmc.com/ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bandidos
BIKER DUDE | Sep 17, 2008
MS 13 IS SALVADOREAN NOT MEXICAN PENDEJOS!
goldspokes520s | Sep 17, 2008
RIP Mark " Papa" Guardado leader of San Francisco Hells Angels
http://www.zimbio.com/Mark+Guardado/pict ures/2/Member+Pictures
Tlatoani Nuyorker | Sep 17, 2008
What We Do Is Secret
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IMDB rating: 6.30 Plot: A biopic of punk legend Darby Crash and his band, the Germs. |
Actors: West Shane,Gonzalez Rick,Segan Noah,Holmes Ashton,O’Donnell Keir,Roche Sebastian,Thom Bishops,Abrams Noah,Alcock Gary,Biography,Drama,Music,
What is this "Man Law" handbook?
…And what are some of its secrets?
Anyone willing to divulge? 
–my boyfriend says I have to be his wife to be "privileged" enough to know what he’s hiding…
Your boyfriend sounds like a douche bag. Can’t you buy it yourself?
Queen Kerosene | Feb 08, 2010
Sounds like a recipe for control and abuse, the kind of ‘law’ which in some parts of the world literally enslaves women.
Dusty | Feb 08, 2010
it’s a load of crap
HAWK | Feb 08, 2010
I read this on Facebook the other day, it’s a group, lol.
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
2. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
3. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us
4. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
5. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it woman!!!
7. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
8. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
9. Crying is blackmail.
10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
11. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor baby.
12. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
14. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
15. If it itches, it WILL be scratched. We do that.
16. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
17. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…honest baby.
19. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as footy, cars, or the female nipple.
20. You have enough clothes.
21. You have too many shoes.
22. I am in shape……
I Sell the Dead
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IMDB rating: 7.90 Plot: 18th century justice catches up with a pair of grave robbers. With only a few hours to go before his date with the guillotine, Arthur Blake (Monaghan) tells his life story to Father Francis Duffy (Ron Perlman). Before long, Arthur spills the beans on how he got started in the grim corpse peddling business with seasoned ghoul Willie Grimes (Fessenden). |
Actors: Monaghan Dominic,Perlman Ron,Fessenden Larry,Scrimm Angus,Speredakos John,Manche Daniel,Garland Joel,Godwin James,Stewart Alisdair,Redmond Aidan,Bucklew Patrick,Comedy,Horror,
Are these rap lyrics good?
Me and my friend made em.. i made the last verse.. thats all i realy care about
haha i got swagga on a million. i jus walk in the room and rock the whole biuldin, im such a beast dat my swag touch the ceilin. wuts wus dat, oh its me dat u feelin. shut up nigga, its me dat is wheelin, hit u so fast ur head hit tha ceilin. ima go to jail. for major swag dealin. haha sike i dip on tha police, if u say one mo word ima hang u wit dis fleece.
Lil heffaaaaa, i eat u like a beast. attack u like a beast, and i am starvin for victoryand dat means ima eat,
Cuz im too dang original, glass man digital, fast man, so visional, yeah. Cuz ima.. swag deala,
Swag deala
Swag deala
Yeah
Im sellin dat swag,
Got it in a dufflebag, don
Romeo Is Bleeding
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IMDB rating: 6.20 Plot: A corrupt New York police officer’s double life as a witness protection guard, and as a mafia informant, begins to catch up with him when he’s bribed to kill a deadly female Russian assassin in custody while keeping his lifestyle a secret from both his wife and teenage mistress. |
Actors: Oldman Gary,Wood Wallace,Proval David,Patton Will,Canfield Gene,Joshua Larry,Wincott Michael,Duff-Griffin William,Cromwell James,Butler Paul,Sirico Tony,Crime,Drama,Thriller,
Thoughts, Comments, Constructive Critisism?
This Juliet was bleeding
Her soul’s bright fire dim
In a life of sorrows
It was sink or swim
On the shore she saw him
A Romeo, prince of the night
Against all odds she reached out
And turned from garish light
Then he pulled her from the tide
Saved the dying maid
She was afraid to love him
And yet by her side he stayed
With blind faith she followed
Into his shadow she fell
Seduced by black and velvet
Drunk of passion’s spell
A day spent long in bliss
A moment meant so much
And no more was this Juliet
Starved from love’s sweet touch
Then the darkness overcame
In silence he left her there
Never saw her tears fall
Or heard her heartstrings tear
Left alone in pain
Once again she did bleed
Shackled by other’s power
Longing to be freed
Once again, yet time was short
In twisted fate they met
In shaded seconds spent together
No where did they get
Again ripped apart by time
And distance seals the fate
Now all this Juliet feels
Is pain, despair, and hate
She cries without a tear shed
She lives without a soul
She curses the one she loves now
For everything he stole
‘I love you’ she did long to hear
But these were words he never said
And now this Juliet lays weeping
And wishes she were dead
and now i am in LOVE with ur WORK !!!!
~AaKaSh~ | Oct 04, 2009
wow.. that was really deep.. keep the good work up =)
Smiles ^_^ | Sep 28, 2009
damn. i wish i could write something like this. it’s feckin awesome
Jeice DJ's Funerals Filed under Uncategorized | Tags: 1993, Butler Paul, Canfield Gene, Crime, Cromwell James, Drama, Duff-Griffin William, Joshua Larry, Oldman Gary, Patton Will, Proval David, Sirico Tony, Thriller, Wincott Michael, Wood Wallace | Comment (0)
Legend of Bagger Vance, The
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IMDB rating: 6.30 Plot: Rannulph Junnah is the best golfer in Savannah. He’s living well and has a girl, Adele Invergordon, who’s the daughter of a wealthy landowner. The First World War starts, though, and Junnah goes to Europe to fight. The only survivor of a dangerous mission, Junnah doesn’t return to Savannah for 15 years. In 1930, he returns, and Adele’s father has already committed suicide during the Depression. Pressured by tax collectors to sell the golf course her father built to pay off debts, Adele, now older, vows to bring to Savannah the greatest match ever played on the greatest golf course, her late father’s. She’s able to round up the 2 greatest golfers of their time, Bobby Jones and Walter Hagen to play for $10,000. The townspeople insist on having “one of their own” compete also, and Rannulph Junnah is rounded up. Junnah now hangs out with bums and is an alcoholic, as he has lost his authentic swing from 15 years ago. At first he turns down the offer. He gets his old clubs and balls and starts practicing. He has lost his ability. Suddenly, Bagger Vance shows up. He offers to be Junnahs’s caddy and help him regain his “authentic swing”. He does, and Junnah agrees to play in the big match. |
buy cheap online and download Legend of Bagger Vance, The
Actors: Smith Will,Damon Matt,McGill Bruce,Gretsch Joel,Moncrief J. Michael,Smith Lane,Gerety Peter,O’Neill Michael,Ryan Thomas Jay,Hamilton Trip,Crowley Dermot,Presnell Harve,Nelson Danny,Penny Bob,Drama,Romance,Sport,
favorite will smith movies?
here’s my list:
1. the pursuit of happyness
2. ali
3. hancock(apparently people hate this movie but i don’t know why)
4. the legend of bagger vance
5. men in black
The ones I liked in order
1….The Pursuit of Happness
2…Men In Black
3.. The Legend Of Bagger Vance
4…Ali
5…Hancock.
take care
dave
David V | Jan 26, 2009
I Am Legend
MIB 1 & 2
The Pursuit of Happyness
Independence day
I Robot
thedeadone@rocketmail.com | Jan 25, 2009
i like them all
7 pounds was really sad
koky312 | Jan 26, 2009
I love all of his movies.
Here is one of my favorites:
Independence Day.
Edit: lmao, hi sabby.
*Madison* 3:16
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
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IMDB rating: 6.50 Plot: NASCAR stock car racing sensation Ricky Bobby is a national hero because of his “win at all costs” approach. He and his loyal racing partner, childhood friend Cal Naughton Jr., are a fearless duo — “Shake” and “Bake” by their fans for their ability to finish so many races in the #1 and #2 positions, with Cal always in second place. When flamboyant French Formula One driver Jean Girard challenges “Shake” and “Bake” for the supremacy of NASCAR, Ricky Bobby must face his own demons and fight Girard for the right to be known as racing’s top driver. |
Actors: Cole Gary,Davis Jason,Johnson Jake,Bigham Luke,Crim Austin,Duncan Michael Clarke,Ferrell Will,Reilly John C.,McKay Adam,Koechner David,Roberts Ian,McBrayer Jack,King John D.,Action,Comedy,Sport,
Funniest movie you've EVER seen?
you can list more than one
mine:
Stepbrothers
Team America World police
Talladega Nights – The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
thanks
Dumb And dumber
around the world in 80 days with Jackie chan that dude is pure awesomeness lol you have to see it you will crack up laughing at some parts I fell of my seat a few times watching it lol
me naughty???pfft. 
? | Sep 10, 2009
Nothing to Lose
Ted | Sep 10, 2009
BORAT!
Dan | Sep 10, 2009
Eurotrip, I laughed through the whole thing!
-X-Ellen-X- | Sep 10, 2009
The Simpsons
Ace Ventura l + ll
Nd2Life @ Y . Com | Sep 10, 2009
I really loved Blades of Glory and i know it sounds childish but i couldn’t help but laughing at Kung Fu Panda
i will not quote the best dialogue in any movie ever (blades of glory)
Jimmy: That was disgusting.
Chazz: That, young man, is how babies are made.
Jimmy: Get out of my face!
Chazz: I’ll get inside your face!
anotherperson | Sep 10, 2009
Latest comedy I’ve seen – The Hangover.
ZEECEE | Sep 10, 2009
Forrest Gump- Tom Hanks d best!
Zathura- it was funny when someone sed "beatch"
hehehehehehehehehe
Downloadz | Sep 10, 2009
happy gilmore,dumb and dumber,ace ventura,knocked up and super bad
The Prankster | Sep 10, 2009
I love Step Brothers!
"I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the sh*t out of you!"
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls!"
LOL.
?
Escape from the Planet of the Apes
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IMDB rating: 6.10 Plot: The third chapter of the Apes saga. Two intelligent simians from the future, Cornelius and Zira travel to present-day Earth. They become instant sensations, wined and dined and treated like celebrities — until a high-level plot forces them to run for their lives! |
Actors: McDowall Roddy,Dillman Bradford,Braeden Eric,Windom William,Mineo Sal,Salmi Albert,Evers Jason,Randolph John,Lauter Harry,Walsh M. Emmet,Glenn Roy,Forster Peter,Burton Norman,Sci-Fi,Drama,Action,
are words alive?
what is the word salad without the word ranch?
1) can one word lead or create another?
2) i know we cant control words but can we put suggestive words towards people.
3) without the bible being the ultimate word, if it didnt exist how would life be? would it be like planet of the apes or escape from new york or another movie?
I only have an opinion about your word salad and the word ranch. This is a cultural connotation. In Mexico we have salads but ranch or dressing never go with it. We usually use lime juice and salt to "spice" our salads.
Psyched Gabby | Apr 18, 2008
sure, in the world of matrix. watch it!
Tato | Apr 18, 2008
Header Q: No.
1) in a way; it is actually people that do this
2) yes, I think. Awkwardly worded question.
3) the Bible is as much the ultimate word as Harry Potter, only marginally less entertaining. You seem to forget that on a global level, only 33% of people adhere to some form of Christianity. Typical.
Acid Zebra, ask an a-the-ist. | Apr 18, 2008
No. yes? no. or yes? or no? no, no. or yes?
Brenda C | Apr 18, 2008 Filed under Uncategorized | Tags: 1971, Action, Braeden Eric, Burton Norman, Dillman Bradford, Drama, Evers Jason, Forster Peter, Glenn Roy, Lauter Harry, McDowall Roddy, Mineo Sal, Randolph John, Salmi Albert, Sci-Fi, Walsh M. Emmet, Windom William | Comment (0)
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
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IMDB rating: 4.10 Plot: Based on the popular video game franchise, female fighter Chun Li embarks on a quest for justice. |
Actors: Achabbakhe Brahim,Chen Edmund,Duncan Michael Clarke,Eric Cullet,Klein Chris,Man Tim,McDonough Neal,Miller Brendan,Shou Robin,Taboo,Action,Adventure,Sci-Fi,Thriller,
Aren't there worse movies than ROTF?
Why are so many people saying Transformers 2 is the worst movie ever? There were far worse movies this year. Here are some movies I think are alot worse than Transformers 2:
Aliens in th Attic
Dance Flick
Dragonball: Evolution
Fired Up
The Final Destination
Halloween 2
Hannah Montana: The Movie
Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience
Knowing
Land of the Lost
Next Day Air
Orphan
The Pink Panther 2
Shorts
Sorority Row
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
The Unborn
Year One
Here are 3 upcoming movies I think will be just as bad as those:
The 3 Stooges Movie
Bonnie and Clyde remake with Hilary Duff
Walter the Farting Dog (yes, that is an upcoming movie title)
Does anybody agree with me that all those movies are worse than Transformers 2
P.S. Please don’t comment if you don’t agree or if you are going to talk trash about Transformers 2.
There’s 18 movies on the list and only 7 are kids movies. There’s no excuse for the other 11.
Also, even horror fans are disappointed with Orphan, The Unborn, Sorority Row, Halloween 2, and The Final Destination.
And anybody who likes a bunch of the movies on that list clearly doesn’t know movies, cause they’re all being considered for the Razzies. In other words, they’re really bad.
It’s not that I’m only interested in people that agree with me, I just want to see how many people have enough common sense to agree with me.
Why are you asking for people’s opinions if you only want to hear them repeat yours back to you?
People are saying Transformers 2 is the worst movie of the year because after the first Transformers movie, people built up a lot of hype. The second Transformers did not live up to the hype. Period.
Movies are a matter of opinon – I personally like a bunch of those movies on your list, but I hate Transformers – only because Transformers is not my type of movie. Plus, you can’t even compare half those movies on your list to Transformers – they are not even close in genre. Most are kids movies – an adult probably wouldn’t like them. The rest are horror movies – someone who doesn’t like horrors would think that the horror movies were terrible. You need to learn to compare things that are alike!
CrazyBitch_xo | Sep 29, 2009
i did like the hot chicks in the unborn and sorority row, but i think the problem with transformers 2 is that it was not as good as the first.
carytop | Sep 29, 2009 Filed under Uncategorized | Tags: 2009, Achabbakhe Brahim, Action, Adventure, Chen Edmund, Duncan Michael Clarke, Eric Cullet, Klein Chris, Man Tim, McDonough Neal, Miller Brendan, Sci-Fi, Shou Robin, Taboo, Thriller | Comment (0)
Wide Open Spaces
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IMDB rating: 4.70 Plot: WIDE OPEN SPACES is an absurdist comedy about how breaking up with your best friend can be tougher than ditching a fiancee. Filtered through the singular mind of writer Arthur Mathews (FATHER TED), and directed by Tom Hall (BACHELOR’S WALK), the film channels classic double act dramas, from Laurel and Hardy to Withnail and I, combined with a stark visual and thematic sensibility, to create an unforgettable comedic escapade. |
Actors: O’Hanlon Ardal,Bremner Ewen,Roe Owen,Wycherley Don,McSorley Gerard,McCafferty Frankie,McCall Sarah,Timmons Peter,Comedy,
Need help, ghosts/demonds/spirits/my mind? I really need an explanation.?
I have this bag ok? It’s full of my piercings, and I put it next to my speakers in my room, because I was going to Dad’s and didnt need them. Went to Dad’s for two weeks, came home, and they were gone, so I said, alright, must have left them at Dad’s. Cracked the shits later, and said nonono, i am POSITIVE i left them right there.
So I go to the shops on my own, to get a new septum because I didnt want it to close up, i come back home, go to my room, guess whats next to my speakers? It isn’t possible that i missed it there, it is an open space, my speakers, on one whole shelf, now its back? not only was it there, but it was perfectly positioned, i never put any of my belongings perfectly placed, i just chuck them down, but this was all angular and exact. like | | instead of / /.
if i had ANY REASON, anything at all, to make me think its not a fucking ghost, id hold onto that. but this time, there is no way
i didnt overlook it, its a wide open space with nothing on it
THEN
i felt like a joint, so i go to my silver bag i brought to dads, and went into the pocket because i know i put it in there, so that mum wouldnt stumble across it. I search for my bob dylan cigarette tin, and theres nothing in my pocket, i turn my pocket inside out, there is nothing there, and its not like its a piercing ball, its a fucking smoke case. so i emptied EVERYTHING onto the floor, and
nothing, I call up one of my bestfriends crying because ive searched the house for it, and i get very upset and frustrated when i lose something, because im mad at myself. so im sitting on the phone, sprawled on the floor, emptying my bag, searching again, nothing, inside out pockets, the lot. so she is evidence. we talk on the phone all night, i fall asleep talking, wake up, go to my bag, what the fuck do you
think i find inside my pocket that i turned inside out?
NOT POSSIBLE
NOT POSSIBLE
just fucking not
i cant sleep in my room anymore
i sleep on the couch watching cartoon network with the lamp
Also, last year on the train, i was with my bestfriend, suddenly went depressed, thought I was going to die, and then i tried to speak and my voice suddenly went deeper and said "easy to tap into" while my head slightly jolted, my bestfriend instantly started crying when she saw the look in my eyes.
Now, i am beyond scared, need help, i dont have some weird haunted life, its great, just these incidents have scared me. PLEASE, help.
my mom wasnt home
Thanks so much for the help. I don’t believe in god, i am catholic, althoughVERY sceptical, i want to believe he is real, but sometimes i just dont think so, i know alot think he is, and isn’t but really, NO-ONE can be correct unless they died, went to heaven and came back, i smoke choof, but it wasn’t a hallucination, but i agree it does make you more paranoid. i will definitely try my hardest to clear my room. thanks guys, i read them all and appreciate it ALOT more than you think.
You definitely need to clear the energy in your room. You can do this in many ways. First, let as much light into your room as possible (open all curtains, pull up shades) as soon as your done sleeping for the day. If your not sleeping in there, first thing in the morning let the light in your room.
Clean you room thoroughly (organize, vacuum, dust, etc) as much as possible. This is not just for a clean room – - this will change the energy in your room to a more positive type of energy – don’t forget to organize clean, vacuum under your bed (=
Play any type of classical music in your room (preferably Mozart) even if you’re not in your room continuously. This type of music has the highest frequency ever reached. You can turn down the volume, but keep it on in the room all the time.
Buy some live plants and put them in your window. Always throw out ny dead or dying plants/flowers.
Sprinkle holy water around your room, including corners and closets and think about how you would like your room to be when sprinkling the water (such as peaceful, filled with only things from the Light, happy, filled with love/laughter, restful, etc.),, basically however you would like the environment of your room to be.
Burning frankincense/myrrh incense helps if you have any lingering spirits/negative energy in your room house (just always be careful with ashes).
All of these suggestions will help raise the vibration of your environment and improve/stop things and situation that you are describing above. What you also need to keep in mind is to keep your thoughts positive. This will help you immensely by not dwelling on negative thoughts/ideas. All these suggestions will greatly improve your living space and you will see the improvement for yourself. I speak from experience, I have lived in two houses with paranornal activity and that stopped years and years ago and has never returned.
Most important, when feeling uncertain/upset, ask God to help you with this situation, Talk to Him the same way you are posting your question. You could not have better help. Good luck.
*chrismar… – I read your additional comments. When I was probably around your age, I went through a period of time where I didn’t believe in God. What may help you is to consider the possibility of God and stay open to this possibility. I can promise you that you will be helped in ways you can’t imagine. Instead of closing the door on God, leave it open and you will never regret it. I wish you the best of everything (:
bluetopaz | Jan 25, 2010
I am here alone in my apartment, in an old building, and someone suicided near the building,
I dint get scared, I was forgetful to put my camera off, after recording my band Play,
when I wake up I saw the noodle box on the table, guess what? I looked the camera and watched it,it was me after all who put that Noodles on the table!
You forget stuff so Did I
Lethal | Jan 25, 2010
try video taping your room and when you put something somewhere make sure you get it on film. Keep a recorder going on at random times. If there is something messing with you maybe you can capture it.
Imay | Jan 25, 2010
Ghosts are not real. They are demons. You have opened the door to them some where. Demonic music, or playing with a Ouija board, or consulting a medium or psychic, or demonic jewelry. If this is the case you can get free and be at peace if you ask Jesus into your heart.
You see the devil flees when people belong to Jesus. Jesus name is the only name higher then any other in this universe.
Here is the prayer. Say it out loud and mean it.
Filed under Uncategorized | Tags: 2009, Bremner Ewen, Comedy, McCafferty Frankie, McCall Sarah, McSorley Gerard, O'Hanlon Ardal, Roe Owen, Timmons Peter, Wycherley Don | Comment (0)Dead Calm
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IMDB rating: 6.90 Plot: A married couple sail the Pacific Ocean to forget a tragic accident. After a month at sea, they sight a mysterious yacht and are boarded by its lone surviving crew member. When the husband discovers the yacht’s terrible secret, the crewman goes wild, kidnapping his wife and taking his ship. Terror on the high seas is center stage as the husband fights to keep the mystery yacht afloat and his wife battles the psychotic who’s assumed control of their ship. |
buy Dead Calm and instant download
Actors: Zane Billy,Neill Sam,Mullinar Rod,Tilden Joshua,Shevtsov George,Long Michael,Thriller,Horror,
The prologue and first chapter of my story; any good?
Please, I thrive from constructive criticism… so critique away ;D
Prologue:
The train rumbled loudly, barreling past the wooded area without stopping, without noticing. If the train had noticed, it would have seen the young girl with long, silky white-blonde hair and huge lavender irises dancing in the fine mist, shrouded in the lush canopy of trees. She skipped along without a word, her bare soles rarely touching the wet, mossy floor of the woods. And her dress! The white, knee-length dress, embellished with every color under the sun, which, ironically, was hidden behind thick grey clouds on this particular day. Water from that afternoons’ rain dripped from the canopy of leaves, landing on her pale bare arms, sending constant shivers down her spine. A hysterical giggle bubble up in her chest, and burst through her slightly pink lips.
In the clearing, she immediately stopped dead center. Another youthful giggle burst through the lips of Stacia Marie. Her 13 years of age only helped make her powers stronger, more lively. Suddenly, in a move so fast nobody’s eyes could dare follow, she whipped herself around, a bubble of energy slowly forming around her thin figure. She couldn’t help but shudder at the energy forming at her fingertips, growing more powerful with every passing moment. She could feel herself spreading out, becoming nothing. Her particles simply floating there in midair for a moment, until suddenly she held out her hand and simply grazed it against the huge trunk of a pine tree. Relaxing, she saw that a dark, deep scorched mark had formed where her hand had touched. Laughing in surprise and relief that it was over, she fell on her back onto the forest floor. She raked her still trembling hands through the wet moss, attempting to calm herself. Sitting up, she looked around before fully standing again.
Stacia reached gracefully into her tattered brown knapsack and pulled out a sparkling stone in the shape of a heart. She kissed it once and then tossed it carelessly, letting it land on the ground with a muted thud, letting the forest, the trees, the animals, the world know…that she had been there. She trotted off towards home, where again she would feel restricted, for there her abilities were unknown.
Ch 1:
Unless you’ve been born and raised in the woods, you’re bound to get lost, pointing your compass this way and that, studying your map hoping that by some miracle the way out will just appear on the mossy ground in front of you.
But for Stacia Marie, the woods were here second home. She knew every inch of them like they were her property. The mossy, uneven forest floor was like a soft carpet, the trees tall and elegant pillars of an imaginary mansion. The whole woods echoed with the pitter-patter of rain and pulsated with long-gone laughter of the young girl who knew them so well.
Arriving at the doorstep of her ‘home’, Stacia did the customary feet-stomp on an imaginary mat, and shoved hard against the wooden door so violently that the whole house shuddered.
They say home is where the heart is, but even to the most compassionate of fellows, this ‘home’ wouldn’t be considered a home at all. All that was left of the original home was the muddy brick foundation, layered with uneven pieces of wood. At around six feet, thin branches, moss, leaves, and a few more pieces of wood made somewhat of a ceiling.
As Stacia entered the shack, she noticed everything had been rearranged. The small wooden table was pushed against the far right corner, along with the three grimy mats they used as chairs. The three bedrolls were lined up neatly against the left wall, with a kerosine lamp on each end. A pile of freshly stacked firewood was sitting by the door, while her mother, Carolyn and eight year old sister, Jade were huddled in the center of the shack, both covered by a tattered rag.
As Stacia came closer, she saw that both of them were crying, their tears making clean marks on their dirt-covered faces. It appeared that Jade was sobbing the hardest.
"What’s wrong?" Stacia asked softly, careful not to touch either of them. She wasn’t sure if her powers had cooled yet, and she certainly didn’t want to take the risk of finding out by giving one of them a shock to the heart.
Her mother, face still twisted in pain, pulled back the rag to reveal her right leg. Stacia gasped and fought the urge to heave as she stumbled back. Her leg was covered in deep red blood, and a gash so wide had been made that she couldn’t tell where it ended.
"What…how!?" Stacia cried, falling to her knees.
"A wolf…he…" her mother whispered, for that was all she could say.
A sob bubbled up in Jade’s throat, and Stacia mimicked it. Both knew what it meant. They were miles into the woods. No help for miles. There was no time.
Just as her heart had began to slow down, it was now again pounding frantically.
She wanted to fight it. Wanted to wake up on the rough floor of the forest, tired and
muddy, but mentally sane at the least.
Fighting screams, Stacia fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around her dying mother, not thinking once about her powers.
Her mother squeezed back tightly before going limp in their arms
WOW. Really good.
You have a really good descriptive style. You are NOT illiterate and understand the relationships between ideas and the building of details, like what I call ‘progressive revelation’ –not revealing all of it at once, which builds interest & suspense. If your plot development and characterisations are anywhere as skilful, you have got a really terrific story on the way.
Mind a few details– you used ‘bubble’ too often in the first two. Mind comma rules. Limit use of adverbs especially in sequence or in adjacent sentences.
I do not know if Stacia is a witch or endowed with magical powers– the way she moves her hand on the tree, giggles oddly, and seems to regard the half-destroyed shack with imaginary attributes lends her the quality of a Luna Lovegood– till of course she regards her mother’s injury.
Perhaps you would ensure that we get more of her REAL character before we find out if she can or cannot help her mother through her own powers. As it stands now she will have to care for 8-yr-old Jade… and I hope she gets out of that forest and to somewhere safer to do that.
Jonnie Comet | Jan 31, 2010